I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
