Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
