her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
