I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
