even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
