so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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