I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
