DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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