Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize