I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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