Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
