cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize