that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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