I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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