the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
