Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
