Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
