I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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