Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
