dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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