I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize