Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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