Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize