how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
