A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
