I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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