I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
