Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize