dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
