No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
