you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize