Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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