I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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