two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this just has baby written all over it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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