What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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