i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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