There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
