I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can i not drive my cunt home
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize