you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
