Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
