she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize