dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
