The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
