The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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