So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize