I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
