When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
