i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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