he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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