dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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