i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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