Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
