question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
