He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
