I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
