Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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