Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My pussy is not your playground.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
