I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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