Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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