Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
