he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
