The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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