I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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