If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
