i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
