I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
