Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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