I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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