If i come over, it means nothing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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