By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
