We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
