She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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