i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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