I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
