Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
