I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
