I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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